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A really good advice column by Sista Mama

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Dear Sista Mama:

My best friend is a male. We've been best friends for over 13 years. He wanted a relationship about 8 years ago, but I wasn't ready...I was trying to get myself together with college and all. Needless to say, he married someone else. We remained friends though. He told me back in 1997 that he had gotten divorced and all that he had been through. We started hanging out more often. We have never been intimate, but have come close many times (we both wanted to make sure it was what we wanted because we knew what the next step would be). A few months ago, he came to me expressing that he'd like to start a life with me. I have always loved him, so I was overwhelmed. A few days ago, a very close family member of his revealed to me that he's still married and never divorced! He even lied about the sex and names of his two kids. Why? I can't figure this out. I know that he wanted to be with me before he married, and maybe even now-possibly always have, but why lie? We have always been friends. We use to discuss things that most girlfriends talk about. We knew each other's moods and everything. He even went to my Mom to discuss his feelings for me. I am so hurt, confused, and humiliated. I'm beside myself. I don't know what I'm going to say or how I may react the next time I see or talk to him. What do you think about this?

Signed me,
Fooled Friend

My Dear Fooled Friend,

If in fact the information you received from the "close family member" is true, your friend sounds like a real loser. You have two choices; you can confront him with the information you've learned, while protecting the identity of the source, or you can do some good old fashioned detective work. Do you have his home phone number? Do you know where he lives? Have you been to his home? If the answer is no to any of those questions, that should tell you something. If you aren't skilled at good ole' snooping, ask some of your sista friends. Most of us have been there, done that!

On the other hand, he could be separated, but that doesn't explain why he would lie about the sex of his kids. Perhaps since you are so close you might want to give him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe the "close family member" has their own agenda. In that case your best bet is to simply confront him with the information and see how he reacts.

Let me know how things turn out.

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Dear Sista Mama:

Recently a distant relative sent me a letter desperately pleading for a $1,000 loan. Although I have some money, $1,000 is quite bit of money to give away (I know I won't get it back). The guilt is overwhelming. What should I tell my relative?

Guilt ridden in Dallas


It's sounds as if the guilt is going to eat you up if you don't give some money to that po' moochin' relative of yours. But you're also smart enough to realize you probably won't get it back either. Think about how much you're willing to give away as a gift, and tell your relative that's all you're able to loan them. Beggars can't be choosers, so if they're smart they'll take whatever amount they get and be grateful.

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Dear Sista Mama:

I am 16 years old and I have never had a boyfriend. I have filled out in all of the right places except for my behind. I'm not ugly, I have hair, and my teeth are straight. The only problem is my butt is as flat as a pancake. I need some tips on how to get a butt before the first of the year.


Jennifer Dear,

Everyone can't be bootylicious (literally). At 16, you're way too young to worry about pancake booty (you'll probably be wishing for that butt in about 30 years). Nevertheless, I have no big booty magic dust or spell that will grant you a big butt by the first of the year. I can only tell you that you should be happy with what you do have, learn to truly work the gifts you were given, and no one will ever notice that your butt reminds them of breakfast. Remember, the superficial butthole (no pun intended) that rejects you simply because of your behind, is not worthy of you anyway.

Sista Mama
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Dear Sista Mama:

How can I let my friend know that she has bad breath ? Offering her gum  and/or mints has not helped. Please send a solution soon before I have to avoid her, we have been friends too long for that.

G.E.V., Nashville

O.K. Let this be a lesson to all of you out there...if you're constantly being offered a mint/gum by a good friend--TAKE IT!!!!!! Your breath STANKS!

G.E.V., you have two choices:

1. Risk your one friend getting mad at you by telling her she has the dreaded "hali" (as in halitosis!). But think of the HUNDREDS you will help by saving them from her stank breath!

2. Avoid her. It won't solve the problem, you could potentially lose a good friend, and you haven't done anyone a service other than yourself.

P.S. Of course you could always wear an oxygen mask only in her presence, but if she's too dense to catch the mint hints......

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Are you nuts? Have no friends you can talk to? Were you born without common sense? Is life all about you, you, you? Do you push the elevator call button repeatedly even after having seen someone else press it first? Never fear! Sista Mama is here. She can give you advice on most any question. Who is Sista Mama? Quite frankly, she's someone who is not nuts, is a great friend, was born with common sense, considers others, and has no elevator-call-button issues. Forget Oprah! Let Sista Mama help you. Send questions to: Ask My Not all questions will get a response but those that do will be posted in future columns on this site.

Disclaimer: Sista Mama is not a doctor. If you need professional help, seek professional advice.

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